[FIC] Penn & Teller Go Network | ch6
May. 26th, 2019 09:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
milesyORIGINALLY POSTED: 2003
Title: Penn & Teller Go Network (6/19)
Fandom: Penn & Teller Get Killed
Wordcount: 1600
Rating: T
Characters: Penn, Teller
Summary: The boys finally get their big television break. It'll make them famous, even if it kills them.
AO3
"Feels good to be in clean clothes, doesn't it?" Penn asked.
Teller nodded, stuffing a chain of tied, brightly coloured silks up his left sleeve.
"Look at that," Penn mused, admiring the creases in his trousers. "We are two respectable looking magicians."
Teller tousled his own hair with this fingertips, trying to decide if he should get it cut for their show on Saturday. He looked up at Penn for the final verdict.
"A haircut definitely wouldn't hurt," he said, pulling his own hair back into a pony tail. "On both our parts, actually." He adjusted his forelock, which was getting much too much too long. "We'll do it tomorrow."
Teller agreed by simply nodding as he checked to make sure everything was in its proper pocket, moving a series of items around — among the odd was a large blood packet, a plastic sandwich bag full of mouse food, and a black and violet Devil's Handkerchief. He produced a large black metal cane with his left hand, and twirled it once in his fingers before folding it back up and putting it in his right-hand pocket. Penn chuckled.
"That damn thing scares the bejesus out of me every time."
Teller cocked his head to one side as he adjusted his tie once more, making sure it was straight. Once finished, he reached up and fixed Penn's tie for him.
"Ready?" Penn asked.
Teller picked up the room keys and handed one to Penn as he followed him out into the hall. Their first meeting with Lorne was in a half hour, but they wanted to be a little early. They took the elevator down to the lobby and stepped out onto the busy sidewalk. The clouds above were an almost graphite shade of grey, but it didn't feel cold enough to snow. They briskly walked across the street, and even though they'd been there before, felt giddy as they entered the main doors of Rockefeller Center.
"Stand up straight," Penn said quietly. "We want to make a good impression."
Teller did as he was told. They walked up to the main desk, where the clerk was busy reading the latest issue of Cosmo.
"Can I help you gentlemen?" she asked when she saw them approach.
"Yeah," Penn said. "We have a meeting with Lorne Michaels."
The clerk put down her magazine. "And your names, please?" she asked as she slid over to her computer.
"Penn Jillette — that's two N's in Penn and Jillette with a J. Not a G — and Teller. Just one word, there. T-E-L-L-E-R," Penn said. Teller simply nodded.
The clerk ticked away at the keyboard, careful as to not disturb her manicure, and pulled out two visitor's passes.
"He's up on the ninth floor," she said as she handed them each a pass. "You'll want to wear those where they can easily been seen."
Penn thanked her before they walked over to the elevator.
"Left side," Penn said when he noticed Teller messing around with his badge. "It'll look better if we both match."
Teller moved the badge over to his left lapel, checking Penn's positioning to make sure they matched as closely as possible. They stepped into the elevator and took the quick ride up to the ninth floor. They stepped off and entered a completely different world. The calm elegance of 30 Rock was replaced with burnt out fluorescent lights, holes in the plaster walls, and Bruce Springsteen being blasted from behind one of the many doors that lined the hall. Penn suddenly felt very out of place in his freshly-pressed three-piece business suit and neat little pony tail.
An office door opened, and a tall blonde in a light blue skirt and white shirt stepped out backwards into the hall.
"Thanks!" she said as she shut the door.
She turned around and walked right into Teller. Teller reeled back into Penn, dropping a Bounce/No Bounce ball out of his hand. It bounced once off of the tile floor before rolling into the wall. Penn bent down to pick it up.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said. She looked at the two of them, both looking incredibly lost standing in the middle of the hall in matching suits. "Who are you?" she asked. Her voice was very high pitched, like some sort of cartoon bird.
"We have a meeting with Lorne Michaels," Penn said hesitantly. He handed the ball back to Teller. "But I'm not so sure we're in the right place."
"Oh, sure!" the blonde said. "You must be those magicians. I've heard about you. Come on, I'll take you to his office."
She waved them along as she walked down the tiled hall.
"So, what kinds of things do you guys do?" their host asked.
Teller reached up behind her ear and pulled out a small grey mouse. The young actress screamed in terror and jumped backwards into Penn's arms.
"Teller!" Penn scolded. "Put that thing away!"
Teller pet the mouse a few times before pulling a large match box from his pocket and returning the mouse to his home.
"I'm sorry," Penn said. "He doesn't always think about thing when he's trying to impress people."
Still shaken, the actress began leading them down the hall again.
"So," she said, trying to forget about the mouse. "He's Teller," she pointed to Teller, "so you must be Penn."
Penn nodded. "Yep."
"I'm Victoria," she said informally. "I just started here, and it's been a real nightmare getting any parts. I just had to bribe the writers to give me a part."
Penn laughed and shook his head. "Well," he started, "we've been doing this for about ten years now, and we're just now starting to make it onto Television."
"Wow," Victoria said, turning down another hallway. "Ten years of scaring people with mice." She shot Teller a look of pure venom. "What do you have planned for Saturday? Snakes?"
Penn and Teller exchanged enlightened glances behind Victoria's back.
"Well, this is it," Victoria said, stopping at a door with a torn paper star crookedly taped just off centre. She knocked on the door. "I guess I'll see you around."
She smiled at Penn and looked nervously at Teller. Teller grinned sheepishly and produced a small bouquet of silk flowers. He handed them to Victoria as Lorne opened the door.
"You must be Penn & Teller," Lorne said, inviting them into his office.
As they stepped inside, Teller cast a glance back at Victoria. She was already half way down the hall.
"Forget it, man," Penn said in his ear. "You just scared her with a mouse. You don't have a chance in hell."
Teller rolled his eyes.
Lorne motioned for them to sit in front of his desk and held out a large plastic bowl.
"Popcorn?" he offered.
Teller took a handful. Penn declined.
"So, tell me," Lorne said, taking a handful of popcorn for himself. "What do you guys have planned for us this weekend?"
"Well, it goes like this," Penn said. "We put Teller here—" he clapped Teller on the back "—into a large water tank — of course, it's locked and he's holding his breath — and we don't let him out until I find a selected card."
Lorne seemed mildly interested.
"But I don't find the card," Penn said, cackling like the Wicked Witch. "I fuck it up, and Teller drowns in the tank."
Teller nodded, smiling tacitly.
"Not for real, of course," Penn assured. "The audience here will know that, but the home audience will think that something's gone terribly wrong."
Penn and Teller were both enjoying the idea far too much to be healthy, but Lorne was unsure to say the least.
"So," Lorne started, "we let millions of people think that someone's died on live television?"
"Yeah!" Penn said. "That's the idea at least."
"And you have this all worked out and everything?"
"Well," Penn said. "In theory."
Lorne put the popcorn bowl down on his desk and leaned forward. "In... 'In theory'? What's that supposed to mean? You've never actually done the trick?"
"Well, no," Penn admitted.
"Where's this death-trap water tank?" Lorne asked. "I didn't see them bring it in with the rest of your stuff last night."
"We're gonna check it out tomorrow," Penn said.
Teller nodded.
"Something is just a little..." Lorne stammered. "Well, it makes me uncomfortable. Why don't you let me see it once or twice and I'll see how I like it."
Penn nodded. "Sure thing, boss," he said. "I just know you're gonna love it!"
Lorne stood up and opened his office door. "You should come in Wednesday so we can mark your places," he said as Penn and Teller stood up from their chairs. "Just hold on to your little badges until after the show on Saturday."
"Okay," Penn said as he stepped out into the hall. No sooner had he crossed the threshold had a small pale-faced man with a wild mess of curly hair run right into him.
"Holy Mary mother of Jesus!" he exclaimed. "I didn't know we were booking Sasquach for appearances!"
Teller tried to stifle a laugh, but Penn heard. He made to slug Teller, but pulled back at the last moment.
"Gilbert," Lorne said, unamused. "Get the hell out of here."
Penn could see that Gilbert wanted to say something, but he held it back as he continued on his path.
"I trust that you can find your way back out?" Lorne asked.
Penn looked around. "Yeah," he said confidently.
"See you Wednesday," Lorne said.
He shut the door before he even finished the sentence.
Title: Penn & Teller Go Network (6/19)
Fandom: Penn & Teller Get Killed
Wordcount: 1600
Rating: T
Characters: Penn, Teller
Summary: The boys finally get their big television break. It'll make them famous, even if it kills them.
AO3
"Feels good to be in clean clothes, doesn't it?" Penn asked.
Teller nodded, stuffing a chain of tied, brightly coloured silks up his left sleeve.
"Look at that," Penn mused, admiring the creases in his trousers. "We are two respectable looking magicians."
Teller tousled his own hair with this fingertips, trying to decide if he should get it cut for their show on Saturday. He looked up at Penn for the final verdict.
"A haircut definitely wouldn't hurt," he said, pulling his own hair back into a pony tail. "On both our parts, actually." He adjusted his forelock, which was getting much too much too long. "We'll do it tomorrow."
Teller agreed by simply nodding as he checked to make sure everything was in its proper pocket, moving a series of items around — among the odd was a large blood packet, a plastic sandwich bag full of mouse food, and a black and violet Devil's Handkerchief. He produced a large black metal cane with his left hand, and twirled it once in his fingers before folding it back up and putting it in his right-hand pocket. Penn chuckled.
"That damn thing scares the bejesus out of me every time."
Teller cocked his head to one side as he adjusted his tie once more, making sure it was straight. Once finished, he reached up and fixed Penn's tie for him.
"Ready?" Penn asked.
Teller picked up the room keys and handed one to Penn as he followed him out into the hall. Their first meeting with Lorne was in a half hour, but they wanted to be a little early. They took the elevator down to the lobby and stepped out onto the busy sidewalk. The clouds above were an almost graphite shade of grey, but it didn't feel cold enough to snow. They briskly walked across the street, and even though they'd been there before, felt giddy as they entered the main doors of Rockefeller Center.
"Stand up straight," Penn said quietly. "We want to make a good impression."
Teller did as he was told. They walked up to the main desk, where the clerk was busy reading the latest issue of Cosmo.
"Can I help you gentlemen?" she asked when she saw them approach.
"Yeah," Penn said. "We have a meeting with Lorne Michaels."
The clerk put down her magazine. "And your names, please?" she asked as she slid over to her computer.
"Penn Jillette — that's two N's in Penn and Jillette with a J. Not a G — and Teller. Just one word, there. T-E-L-L-E-R," Penn said. Teller simply nodded.
The clerk ticked away at the keyboard, careful as to not disturb her manicure, and pulled out two visitor's passes.
"He's up on the ninth floor," she said as she handed them each a pass. "You'll want to wear those where they can easily been seen."
Penn thanked her before they walked over to the elevator.
"Left side," Penn said when he noticed Teller messing around with his badge. "It'll look better if we both match."
Teller moved the badge over to his left lapel, checking Penn's positioning to make sure they matched as closely as possible. They stepped into the elevator and took the quick ride up to the ninth floor. They stepped off and entered a completely different world. The calm elegance of 30 Rock was replaced with burnt out fluorescent lights, holes in the plaster walls, and Bruce Springsteen being blasted from behind one of the many doors that lined the hall. Penn suddenly felt very out of place in his freshly-pressed three-piece business suit and neat little pony tail.
An office door opened, and a tall blonde in a light blue skirt and white shirt stepped out backwards into the hall.
"Thanks!" she said as she shut the door.
She turned around and walked right into Teller. Teller reeled back into Penn, dropping a Bounce/No Bounce ball out of his hand. It bounced once off of the tile floor before rolling into the wall. Penn bent down to pick it up.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said. She looked at the two of them, both looking incredibly lost standing in the middle of the hall in matching suits. "Who are you?" she asked. Her voice was very high pitched, like some sort of cartoon bird.
"We have a meeting with Lorne Michaels," Penn said hesitantly. He handed the ball back to Teller. "But I'm not so sure we're in the right place."
"Oh, sure!" the blonde said. "You must be those magicians. I've heard about you. Come on, I'll take you to his office."
She waved them along as she walked down the tiled hall.
"So, what kinds of things do you guys do?" their host asked.
Teller reached up behind her ear and pulled out a small grey mouse. The young actress screamed in terror and jumped backwards into Penn's arms.
"Teller!" Penn scolded. "Put that thing away!"
Teller pet the mouse a few times before pulling a large match box from his pocket and returning the mouse to his home.
"I'm sorry," Penn said. "He doesn't always think about thing when he's trying to impress people."
Still shaken, the actress began leading them down the hall again.
"So," she said, trying to forget about the mouse. "He's Teller," she pointed to Teller, "so you must be Penn."
Penn nodded. "Yep."
"I'm Victoria," she said informally. "I just started here, and it's been a real nightmare getting any parts. I just had to bribe the writers to give me a part."
Penn laughed and shook his head. "Well," he started, "we've been doing this for about ten years now, and we're just now starting to make it onto Television."
"Wow," Victoria said, turning down another hallway. "Ten years of scaring people with mice." She shot Teller a look of pure venom. "What do you have planned for Saturday? Snakes?"
Penn and Teller exchanged enlightened glances behind Victoria's back.
"Well, this is it," Victoria said, stopping at a door with a torn paper star crookedly taped just off centre. She knocked on the door. "I guess I'll see you around."
She smiled at Penn and looked nervously at Teller. Teller grinned sheepishly and produced a small bouquet of silk flowers. He handed them to Victoria as Lorne opened the door.
"You must be Penn & Teller," Lorne said, inviting them into his office.
As they stepped inside, Teller cast a glance back at Victoria. She was already half way down the hall.
"Forget it, man," Penn said in his ear. "You just scared her with a mouse. You don't have a chance in hell."
Teller rolled his eyes.
Lorne motioned for them to sit in front of his desk and held out a large plastic bowl.
"Popcorn?" he offered.
Teller took a handful. Penn declined.
"So, tell me," Lorne said, taking a handful of popcorn for himself. "What do you guys have planned for us this weekend?"
"Well, it goes like this," Penn said. "We put Teller here—" he clapped Teller on the back "—into a large water tank — of course, it's locked and he's holding his breath — and we don't let him out until I find a selected card."
Lorne seemed mildly interested.
"But I don't find the card," Penn said, cackling like the Wicked Witch. "I fuck it up, and Teller drowns in the tank."
Teller nodded, smiling tacitly.
"Not for real, of course," Penn assured. "The audience here will know that, but the home audience will think that something's gone terribly wrong."
Penn and Teller were both enjoying the idea far too much to be healthy, but Lorne was unsure to say the least.
"So," Lorne started, "we let millions of people think that someone's died on live television?"
"Yeah!" Penn said. "That's the idea at least."
"And you have this all worked out and everything?"
"Well," Penn said. "In theory."
Lorne put the popcorn bowl down on his desk and leaned forward. "In... 'In theory'? What's that supposed to mean? You've never actually done the trick?"
"Well, no," Penn admitted.
"Where's this death-trap water tank?" Lorne asked. "I didn't see them bring it in with the rest of your stuff last night."
"We're gonna check it out tomorrow," Penn said.
Teller nodded.
"Something is just a little..." Lorne stammered. "Well, it makes me uncomfortable. Why don't you let me see it once or twice and I'll see how I like it."
Penn nodded. "Sure thing, boss," he said. "I just know you're gonna love it!"
Lorne stood up and opened his office door. "You should come in Wednesday so we can mark your places," he said as Penn and Teller stood up from their chairs. "Just hold on to your little badges until after the show on Saturday."
"Okay," Penn said as he stepped out into the hall. No sooner had he crossed the threshold had a small pale-faced man with a wild mess of curly hair run right into him.
"Holy Mary mother of Jesus!" he exclaimed. "I didn't know we were booking Sasquach for appearances!"
Teller tried to stifle a laugh, but Penn heard. He made to slug Teller, but pulled back at the last moment.
"Gilbert," Lorne said, unamused. "Get the hell out of here."
Penn could see that Gilbert wanted to say something, but he held it back as he continued on his path.
"I trust that you can find your way back out?" Lorne asked.
Penn looked around. "Yeah," he said confidently.
"See you Wednesday," Lorne said.
He shut the door before he even finished the sentence.
